Then I guess it's a duck

Note: My plan was to never speak of what Jasper has (or doesn't have) down there. The last thing I want is for people to make fun of him. I feel as though this is a safe place to tell his story because those who are reading this either care about my family and would never poke fun, or you've just happened to come across this and have no earthly idea who we are.

If it quacks like a duck, then it must be enlarged adenoids. We took Jasper to the ENT a few days ago and again, Dr. Bob refused to do an x-ray. He's been concerned about exposing J to the radiation. I didn't think it was a big deal and have insisted on an x-ray, still nothing. Yesterday he says that it's obviously enlarged adenoids and that those bad boys need to come out PROMPTO. His surgery is scheduled for November 28th. Yes, less than 2 weeks away. I'm going in this with high hopes, though. I know that he can handle the surgery. He's been through it before. Which I haven't discussed so I'll do that now.

Jasper had 4 surgeries in 1. On June 1st, 2011. He was only 5 months old. What should have been a very simple procedure gave us the shock of our lives. He was born with hydrocele (fluid around his testes, no big deal. It just causes redness and major swelling of the sac) and he also had a hernia. The hernia is basically a hole in your abdomen; it was the reason for the fluid escaping and collecting where it shouldn't be. His right testicle was fine other than the obvious hydrocele, but the left testicle hadn't dropped yet, even at 4 months old. By that point, both testes should be in the sac and if not, then surgery must be done to manually pull the testicle down where it should be. So, he went in for surgery to drain the fluid, stitch the hole (hernia), and to pull that testicle down. PROBLEM. There wasn't a left testicle. I felt like I was hit by a dump truck when the surgeon told us this.

When Dr. Perez went to pull down his testicle, all he got was a tiny scrunched up piece of tissue. That was his testicle. It had to be removed. Jasper suffered from a rare condition known as neo-natal testicular torsion. It's where the testicle is free floating and wraps itself up by it's own cord and strangles itself until the blood is cut off and dies. It is a MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Once this occurs, a surgeon only has 6 hours to save that testicle. We're fairly certain that Jaspers happened while still in the womb. There was no way for us to know, no way for us to save it. From my own research, I have found that it is due to a hormonal imbalance. I just couldn't produce enough testosterone for my son. Now THAT hit me like a ton of bricks. I think I'll always blame myself. Because his 1 testicle did this, he had such a higher risk of the other one doing the same, so Dr. Perez had to staple that one into place to make sure it couldn't ever come loose. And did I mention that we misdiagnosed him with GERD? He was so colicky and he was comfort feeding so much that we started him on medication. Turns out, he was in pain from his groin. Not only did we miss a serious problem, we unfairly treated him with medications that were of no use. He turned into such a happy baby once he recovered from surgery. I'll never forgive myself for making my son suffer for the first 5 months of his life. That's something I can never take back.

And here we are. My son has only 1 testicle, and 2 scars. He can still produce sperm, but we won't know if it's enough to bear children until he reaches that point in his life. He can't play rough sports. He's going to feel inadequate. God I hope he doesn't feel like less of a man. I hate that I'm worrying while he's only an infant. It seems crazy to think about your son having children when he's only a baby himself. And cancer. He has a higher risk of getting testicular cancer. How could this have happened to MY baby? You don't think about this sort of thing. Growing up, it's always hilarious watching a boy get knocked in the gonads. He falls to the floor in agony and we laugh. Now, if anybody was to ever do that to my son, I'd knock their head off. If the one testicle he has left is damaged, he has no chance of being a father. How could someone lose that possibility at such a young age?

Now how does this relate to the removal of adenoids? Well... because of his hieghtened risk of cancer, I assume his ENT refused an x-ray due to radiation. Radiation increases the risk of cancer (and can even cause it) and radiation can also effect sperm count and potentially even mutate the sperm. I REFUSE to put my son through an x-ray unless it is a life or death situation. In hindsight, I'm glad the ENT didn't go through with an x-ray.

My name is Lindsay and I am a helicopter mom. I will forever care too much about my baby boy. And I'm okay with that.