My name is Lindsay, and I have water on my brain.

The "R" word. I'll spell it out for those who aren't sure (because there's so many words that should be unspeakable). Retarded. It makes me cringe even just spelling it out. It's one of those terms that are thrown around so loosely, and in the most ridiculous ways too. You don't like something so that makes it r'ed? Somebody says something that doesn't make sense, so they're r'ed? Someone is in a wheel chair who obviously has a medical condition that honestly makes them suffer from retardation and it shows. Do you blurt out that r word to their faces? GOD I HOPE NOT. So why throw it around in front of others who you don't know?

I suffer from Hydrocephalus. Excuse me, let me rephrase. I am a SURVIVOR of Hydrocephalus. I assume that you didn't bother with clicking the link. Let me explain:

Hydrocephalus is a condition that effects the brain. It is a condition in which the ventricles are enlarged and there is an overabundance of spinal fluid in the brain. Those who suffer from this condition are often called "water heads." Our heads swell up due to all of the pressure and it often results in clumsiness, short term memory loss, seizures, mental retardation, and even death. There are many different types and causes and the severity depends on how early it's detected and if you can afford the treatment. That's correct, TREATMENT. There is no cure. All one can do is manage it with brain surgery. A cerebral shunt. I have one. It was placed into my head at only a month old and it's there now, 21 years later. It has saved my life. I am alive because of this device. This device that carries the extra fluid from my head and down into abdomen where it is then absorbed.

I am fine. My IQ is within the average and I can function just as well as anybody else. You would never know by looking at me that I have a brain disorder. Some notice the tube in my neck but assume it's a rather large vein. Some see the scar on my stomach but don't ask. My vision is bad, and I don't get headaches. Yeah, you might think I'm lucky but I'm not. IF I were to have a particularly bad headache, I'd be rushed to the ER in fear of a shunt malfunction. I also suffer(ed) from epilepsy. That is recurrent seizures. I started having them as a tiny tiny newborn (grand mal, even... which are the worst). I was on medication for half of my life when I finally was able to stop taking them. I have been seizure free for 10 years now, although they could start up at any time. I always take precautions (no strobe lights, no up close fireworks, no flashy movies or video games, etc.). I need special care when pregnant, I require a round of antibiotics before any major surgery (used to be minor too... even routine dental work.).

I've come a long way and I thank my parents and my Heaven-sent neurosurgeon, Dr. Loomis. Here's a little known fact about my doctor - he recently performed the exact procedure on Billy Graham. Yes, I believe that I was in the best of hands 21 years ago because of this. You wouldn't let just anybody perform brain surgery on a man of his stature, would you? Also, fictional serial killer Jason Voorhees is afflicted with this condition, and is ridiculed by the campers of Crystal Lake because of this. Neat, right?!

a "boozle bear."
find me one, and I will
love you forever.

70% of those treated by shunts end up with complications. As stated before, a shunt doesn't cure the problem, it only relieves it. I have been lucky. I have had my initial placement surgery and 1 revision. Technically, one shunt only lasts for 12 years MAX. Mine has lasted for 21 years. This scares me. It makes me believe that one day in my future, it will malfunction. But I also have high hopes and believe that maybe, just maybe, the issue has resolved itself. Now will I ever get the shunt taken out? NO. Because what's the point? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. It's near impossible to get all the tubing out anyways.

So here I am, striving and very much alive. I go about my days just like everybody else. Others aren't so lucky. This condition is more common in underdeveloped countries, and therefore, obviously goes untreated. The surgery is expensive. When left untreated, a Hydrocephalic can survive although requires around the clock care. Because of the weight of the untreated head, they can't even sit up on their own or carry the weight of their own heads. They cannot speak, cannot walk, can't even feed themselves. It's a death sentence. Those untreated, you can obviously tell that they have an underlying condition.

But be honest. When have you ever looked at me and thought that I've had multiple brain surgeries? When have you looked at me and thought that I could have a seizure at any second? Or that a simple headache could mean life or death for me? When have you ever chose not to use the R word around me because of my condition? Never. But it's true what they say: "Don't judge a book by it's cover." Yes, I look perfectly healthy, but that wasn't always the case. I very much could be mentally handicapped (or dead) if it weren't for America, and my loving parents, and doctors.

Stop the R word.

My plan was to post pictures of this condition, but I honestly can't bring myself to look at what could have been myself. But I'm sure a quick google search will bring some up, if you'd like to see.